Dating in Los Angeles: When Values, Intimacy, and Timing Don’t Align Dating and Relationships
Dating in Los Angeles can feel exhausting, especially as we get older. For many adults, the challenge is not a lack of options, but a lack of alignment. When you come from a background that values education, long term commitment, marriage, and family, it can feel increasingly difficult to find someone who wants the same depth and direction.
I was raised to see dating as intentional. Not as something to rush through or do for the sake of doing, but as a way to determine whether two people are building toward a meaningful, long term relationship. That perspective has stayed with me, even after growing up in a fast paced, casual dating culture like Los Angeles.
Although I hold a more open and flexible outlook on relationships than previous generations, the values I was raised with around emotional safety, intentional dating, and intimacy still matter to me. Ignoring them has often led to confusion, disappointment, and a sense of disconnect in my dating life.
For those dating someone like me, here is what I want you to understand.
Waiting to Have Sex Is About Meaning and Safety
Choosing to wait to have sex is not about a lack of desire. It is about meaning, emotional safety, and connection.
Some people can separate sex from feelings. Others cannot. Neither approach is wrong. For some of us, sex carries emotional weight, and we prioritize feeling secure, desired, and emotionally connected rather than rushing into physical intimacy.
Waiting is not rejection. It is intention.
Intimacy Builds Over Time
Intimacy is not a single act. It is a process.
Choosing not to have sex right away does not mean there is no chemistry or physical connection. There are many ways to build closeness and attraction without rushing past emotional safety.
Over time, sexual intensity naturally changes in long term relationships. What sustains couples is the trust, bond, and emotional connection they have built. That foundation is what helps relationships endure stress, conflict, and the quieter seasons of life.
Wanting to Wait Does Not Mean Something Is Wrong
Not wanting to have sex within a few dates does not mean something is wrong with me. Like many people dating today, I have become more cautious over time, especially in a culture where physical intimacy is often prioritized over emotional connection.
If waiting feels intolerable to someone, it may be worth asking why. Choosing to be intentional is not about getting it over with. It is about honoring what feels meaningful and personal.
Values Around Safety and Comfort Matter
There are people who are comfortable with casual sex, and that is valid. Everyone approaches intimacy differently.
For me, emotional safety and comfort matter deeply. I think about the kind of relationship I want to build and the story I want to be able to tell my future partner about my life. Compatibility is not just about attraction. It is about shared values.
Courtship Still Has Meaning
Feeling courted matters to me. Taking time to talk, call, plan, and invest effort helps me feel desired, not just pursued physically.
Dating apps and spontaneous connections can be exciting. But consistency, presence, and genuine interest create emotional safety. That sense of safety is what allows vulnerability, intimacy, and deeper connection to grow.
Attraction Grows Through Connection
Looks and chemistry matter, even if people are uncomfortable admitting it. But for me, attraction deepens with emotional connection.
The more time I spend getting to know someone and imagining a shared life, the more chemistry grows. This kind of connection is what carries couples through disagreements, aging, and the inevitable moments when novelty fades but meaning remains.
A Reflection, Not a Judgment
This reflection is not a criticism of casual dating or sexual freedom. There is no single right way to date or approach intimacy.
It is simply an honest look at why dating in Los Angeles can feel especially painful when values around intimacy, safety, and timing do not align.
I have often been told I would make a great partner, until it becomes clear that I want to take my time with intimacy. When that desire is met with pressure or judgment, it does not feel safe or caring. Without safety, connection cannot truly grow.
A Therapist’s Perspective on Dating and Intimacy
In my work as a therapist, I often see how unspoken expectations around dating, sex, attachment, and values create frustration, self doubt, and emotional exhaustion. Therapy can be a space to explore your boundaries, clarify what matters to you, and understand your patterns so dating feels more aligned, intentional, and less discouraging.
If dating in Los Angeles has left you feeling confused, guarded, or disconnected from yourself, you are not alone. Support can help you reconnect with your values and approach relationships with greater clarity and confidence.
